These Phrases given by My Father Which Helped Me as a New Parent

"I think I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the truth quickly became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her chief support while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple statement "You're not in a good spot. You require support. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now better used to discussing the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a broader failure to communicate between men, who often absorb harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a display of being weak to ask for help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a pause - spending a short trip abroad, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "bad choices" when younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, speak to a friend, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, resting, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, on occasion I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."